This is a true story about how idiots are taking over the world, and why euthanasia is the only solution to this fatuity epidemic...

Once upon a time in a far away land, there lived a handsome prince named Kai.  One day, while spring-cleaning his awesome castle, the prince happened to stumble upon a box of old junk.  It contained, amongst other things, some antiquated computer discs and a power supply for a PlayStation2.  The Prince knew he ought simply to hurl these trinkets off the battlements and into the moat below, yet a part of him couldn’t bear to see them go to waste.  He might be the second richest man in the entire kingdom (after the good king himself), but Kai hadn’t forgotten his humble origins in Aberdeen.  To dispose of this junk without obtaining some sort of remuneration for it would be a very un-Aberdonian thing to do.  And so it was that the prince came to sell off his unwanted possessions via the time-honoured medium of eBay, until the only thing left was the PS2 power supply.  This too he listed on eBay, for the fair sum of £5 plus £7 international postage.  The prince may have been reluctant to see such paraphernalia go to waste, but he was not an avaricious man, and so he priced it reasonably so that all his subjects would have the opportunity to purchase this fabulous power supply.  Sure enough, within two days it had been snapped up by an eBay member called tamas_sergiu.

    Tamas_sergiu, whose real name was in fact Rusu Tiberiu, lived in the faraway kingdom of Romania.  To travel there by horseback would have taken many months, and so it was that Prince Kai sensibly elected to post the power supply to this distant land using standard class mail.  A week or two went by; leaves began to fall from the trees as summer begat autumn.  Then one day, while surfing the net for Swedish dirties suitable for transforming into princesses, Kai received an email.  It was from Rusu, informing him that the promised power supply had failed to materialise.  The handsome prince was aghast; hadn’t he walked to the post office himself (Kai didn’t need servants to do his dirty work) and affixed the stamps to it with his own fair hands?  The prince anxiously replied, reassuring Rusu that he had indeed posted the power supply, and urging him to look out for it.

Another week went by and another email arrived from Rusu.  Still no sign of the power supply.  The prince knew that he had posted it, but could only assume that it had gone missing en route to the dangerous kingdom of Romania.  Out of the kindness of his heart, the prince decided to issue a refund for the missing item.  Aberdonian he may have been, but he was not entirely callous.  He sent the following message to the unfortunate Rusu, who by now had been staring at a blank screen for weeks, eagerly waiting for the chance to power up his PS2: ‘Hi. I have refunded you £7, as that is all I have in my PayPal account at the moment. Apologies for the item not arriving, but I hope you can appreciate that I posted it in good faith, and so I have lost out too.  Thank you.’

 
The prince smiled, content in the knowledge that he had done the right thing and made amends for this most vexatious of situations.  Imagine his surprise when he received the following message from Rusu: ‘hi, i dont see the money from you in my paypal acount i think is a fake mail , i will send a copy of this  mail to your local police, and I GIVE YOU A NEGATIVE FEEDBACK.’
The poor prince was taken aback by this outpouring of vitriol and hate.  His ears still ringing from all the caps lock shoutiness, he patiently drafted a measured reply: ‘The money is in your account, but if you don't believe me, by all means contact the police and ask them to investigate. Don't just take my word for it.  Regards, Kai.’
The prince hit the send button, crossed his fingers and prayed that his antagonist would be more understanding on this occasion.  He didn’t have to wait long to find out, for hours later Rusu’s response arrived, and this time it was more shoutier than ever: ‘Available balance in EUR (primary): ?0.58 EUR  THAT IS ALL I HAVE IN MY PAYPAL ACOUNT  SO WHERE ARE MY MONEY? I WAIT 12 NOT 7  I WANT MY MONEY BACK.’

The prince drew in his breath sharply and then sighed.  All his life he had strived to be fair and generous to the subjects of his father’s kingdom.  One day he would be their ruler, and he dearly hoped that they would love and respect him as much as he did them, which is why this unsavoury incident was so hard to stomach.  Reluctantly, the prince reached for his keyboard and attempted to draft a reply.  Surely it was still possible for diplomacy to win through?  His work finally done, the troubled prince retreated to the courtyard and spend the remainder of the evening pacing listlessly, pondering life’s peculiarities.

Three hours later, a Romanian man going by the name of Rusu opened his email and discovered a new message from Prince Kai.  It read: ‘Fuck off and die you dirty, smelly gypsy. I hope you suffer a slow and painful death.’
For some reason, Rusu took great offence to this and, after much cogitation, bashed out the following rejoinder: ‘what? are you crazy?  i recived the package today you stupid fuck, it's not my fault. call at the post ofice and ask when i picked up, you stupid fuck. asshole, think before you make any acusations, and suck my gipsy DICK .i whanet to resend you the money, but now i will not,  if you dont recive 4 weaks the item what do you think? IT WAS NOT POSTED.  wy did you not sent the tracking number?  it's your fault, YOU ARE SO STUPID, and i hope you live 100 years  i dont whis you to die, because it's to much for 7 and again YOU ARE SO STUPID.  I WIL SEND YOU THE MONEY BACK I DONT NEED IT.’

 
    On the other side of Europe, in a much more pleasant and civilised kingdom, a prince sat at his desk and drafted a response to the stramash of garbled syntax and assault-by-upper-case that he had received masquerading as an email.  The prince wrote back: ‘Dude, you're the one who got all shouty and started using big capital letters to accuse me of defrauding you of £7. And I told you before, I couldn't send you a tracking number because it's impossible to track items that are sent by standard post. If you don't want to be spoken to like a dirty, smelly gypsy then don't act like one. Keep the £7, you could maybe use it to invest it in some soap.
Best regards, Kai.’

Astonishingly, Rusu the Romanian took further offence to this and, after wracking his incredibly large brain for some time, came up with the following pithy riposte: ‘i called  today at paypal and the refund it was made to my card not to my paypal acount thats wy i have dont see it, MAYBE I HAVE MORE MONEY THEN YOU AND I AM MORE CLEANER THEN YOU, YOU RICE EATER.  FUCK YOU. STUPID RHD     FROM THIS MAIL  YOU ARE THE GIPSY AND THE DIRTY ONE, I HOPE YOU EAT RICE ALL YOU R  LIFE AND ONCE AGAIN  SUCK MY GIPSY DICK   FUCKING  EMIGRANT.’

 
Upon reading these words, the prince decided it was only right and fair that he warn his subjects about the dangers of trading with as backward and inbred a nation as Romania, and thus he wrote a blog about it.  And from that day onward, the entire kingdom of Scotland came to know that the name Rusu was synonymous with stupidity of the most retarded sort.  And as for Rusu himself?  Well, legend has it that he went on to father an entire brothel of illegitimate, inbred mongrels, who in turn shat out yet more thumb-clenching, drooling idiots, and thus the entire world came to be populated by stupid people.  The end.