easyHotel, the latest venture from millionaire entrepreneur Stelios Haji-Ioannou, has just opened its first premises in London. From £20 a nite, an en-suite double room can be yours. It’s clean, it’s air-conditioned and it’s compact. Like its airline counterpart, easyJet, this is a no frills service. You get what you pay for, which in this case isn’t very much. Still, the hotel is cheap and, provided your idea of happiness is a luminous orange bedroom, it could also be construed as cheerful. Each room even comes equipped with a flat screen TV. As is the easy way, however, if you want to watch it you’ll have to hire the remote control, at a cost of £5. With the easyGroup now offering everything from internet cafes to mobile fone tariffs, you have to wonder which market they will diversify into next. One possibility is the booming escort agency business. Click onto easyEscort.com and for £20 a nite, a hooker will call past your (easy)hotel room and service your every need. By ‘every need’ I mean she’ll take her clothes off. If you want a suck and fuck, you’ve got to pay extra for that. Still, when the girl’s standing stark naked in front of you, it would be harsh to describe such additional charges as ‘hidden extras'. Incidentally, did I mention that your escort for the evening will most likely resemble Colleen McLaughlin? It’s company policy; all their girls have to sport an orange fake tan, in keeping with the company’s citrus-coloured livery. Love isn’t the only drug soon to be proffered by Stelios. Once easyEscort has been established, the company plans to start up easyE.com, aimed at the 18-30 clubbing market. Forget paying £10 for a dog-worming tablet from a scouser in the bogs at Manumission - with easyE you can order your chats online and they’re posted out to you. In true easyGroup style, they’re cheap and cheerful. No frills pills, if you like. I know Elwood would approve. The Odyssey is back from Ibiza, and it’s all loved up. Before leaving Aberdeen, Elwood vowed not to return until he had contracted at least one STD. Sleazy or what? Actually in Ibiza, that’s just plain easy.