In Japan, mums have been giving their sons blowjobs rather than let them have girlfriends. It is thought that girlfriends will distract them from doing their schoolwork. Picture this:
'Hey Jimmy, will you stay behind after school so we can do our homework together?'
'I can't, Lauren. I promised my mum I'd cum home early - she said she had some jobs for me.'
Ever get the feeling you were brought up in the wrong country? It gets even better when you consider the father's involvement:
'OK honey, so you're trying to tell me that you'll swallow for little Jimmy but you won't swallow mine?'
Welcome to my first ever weblog-blog! Like a nun with a strap-on, this is all new to me, but I'm gonna learn fast. I don't know why I'm starting The Trash Whore Diaries, but it seemed a good idea 20 minutes ago. I have decided to share with the rest of the uncivilised world my daily goings on; the stupid girl-obsessed songs I write for my punk band; my ongoing search for MILFs, and the lesbian dreams I keep 'making' my girlfriend have. If you're thinking I won't be able to keep this up for more than a couple of weeks, you're probably right; I've never lasted longer than 60 seconds. Practise makes perfect, however, and my wrist certainly knows I've had a lot of that. For every month that I manage to keep this diary, I am going to reward myself with a new lesbian porno. If I keep this going for a couple of years, I should have a collection to rival the Pope's. Then I might see if I can trade tapes with him - I've always been curious about animal porn, but have been too afraid to buy it. This diary could provide a unique opportunity for my canine/girlfriend fantasies to be fulfilled without making any (extra) mess.
Today's entry is dedicated to the word 'meatpaste'. Technically, it's two words, but we'll ignore that as it gives me an opportunity to discuss an entirely new way of eating out. Actually, I think I'll save this for another time - it's been a long first entry, and you've had a lot to digest. I don't want to choke you this early in the relationship, so I'll withdraw for now. I should be able to spill the beans in the near future, however, as I have just put myself up for adoption. Any interested mums out there? I'm a really nice boy you know; I've even started to learn Japanese!